SexDrive

Welcome to SexDrive! Whatever your sexual preference or gender is please remember everyone in the free world has a right to be what they want to be without fear or recrimination. Be kind to everyone especially if they hold a different viewpoint. What makes this world so interesting is diversity. SexDrive covers many aspects - click on a heading below and see a summary, and if you're interested you can go and read more about it!

Here are some initial thoughts about sex. GO!

Here are some facts and stats  about sex. GO!

One aspect of sex is that it can lead to a lasting relationship. This section explores what good relationships look like.  GO!

However well a relationship starts, it’s possible that at some point it will go wrong. See how and why. GO!

There is a difference between the act of sex and making love – one is purely physical while the other has more emotional attachment. Explore this further. GO!

Sometimes a bit of fantasy can spice up sex (50 Shades of Grey!), but it’s easy for this to go too far.  See some interesting facts and alarming detail about pornography and other sexual adventure.  GO!

More people are now looking to find their partner through dating sites than via face to face meetings – does this work, and what should you be careful of?  GO!

There seems to be an ever increasing number of genders- what used to be fairly simple has changed completely.  Who is driving this change, and how can you keep abreast of it?  GO!

Sex and sexuality can cause some real problems, for mental and physical health, such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and just growing older problems – see more on this  GO!

As the newness of your relationship wears off and the excitement starts to fade, the relationship can feel like it’s growing stale. You aren’t forced to remain in a dull and boring relationship, however. There are some steps you can take to keep a mature relationship fresh and exciting.   GO!

If you’re a visitor to our site you can join and download information, assess your own health and create your own action plans, and even contribute to our site.  GO!

We have a video and some ideas on next steps you can take. GO!

We have some additional information on this subject. GO!

Some Initial Thoughts

The act of sex

Humans have a natural instinct to have sex and there are many reasons for this. The body craves for the chemicals and emotions that sex and intimacy bring. The feeling before, during and after everyone needs and wants but increasingly it is coming under pressure from lifestyle. Sex is also very good for our health.

A good sex life is good for your heart. Besides being a great way to raise your heart rate, sex helps keep your oestrogen and testosterone levels in balance. “When either one of those is low you begin to get lots of problems, like osteoporosis and even heart disease,” MayoClinic says. Having sex more often may help.

Is your lifestyle affecting your love life?

If you are suffering with lifestyle issues and it is impacting on your love life then SexDrive is a good read for you. We use the term love life because it’s not just about the physical elements of sex but also the emotional elements of loving. When stress, anxiety or depression starts it can affect how we behave lovingly to others in our family and partners regardless of gender.

Some of the statistics will surprise you and some of the issues people are suffering you may well be suffering from. You may consider you don’t have a problem in which case you may want to learn something new about how to improve your sex life.

SexDrive looks at some of the myths and statistics that may surprise and also looks at the gender explosion.

Facts About Sex

18 %
Tinder users

between 18 and25% are in a committed relationship while using the dating app.

My Skill
men 30%

aged 16-19 first had sexual intercourse before the age of 16

28 %

It turns out that in general men cheat on their partner a little more often than women. Research shows that about 33% of the men have cheated, and 28% of the women have.

My Skill
women 26%

aged 16-19 first had sexual intercourse before the age of 16

1
minutes

is the average total length of sex (foreplay + intercourse)

My Skill
of men 66%

reported having masturbated in the previous four weeks. Rates decline with age, particularly for men, and are higher in those with no current partner. [Natsal]

1 %
Brits

About a quarter of Brits have had sex in the last week (YouGov poll)

My Skill
of women 33%

reported having masturbated in the previous four weeks. Rates decline with age, particularly for men, and are higher in those with no current partner. [Natsal]

Sex and Sexuality

Crash Course talk about sex and sexuality in a Sociology framework

Good Relationships

Firstly, sex and good relationships don’t always go hand in hand. Some people have great relationships but are not overly sexual. Each person has a different sex drive to the next and when we first embark on a relationship this can be misleading. The first 12 months to 2 years might be classified as the honeymoon period and then after that it settles down. This is often when problems start to occur because the normal sex drive patterns then start to work. Work life, lifestyle and health are also added into the mix to sometimes cloud the issue.

Various aspects of this are covered in the tabs below

When Relationships Go Wrong

It's difficult to admit that a relationship that started out wonderfully has turned into something bad. When we enter a relationship, we’re often desperately in love and wearing rose-colored glasses, only seeing our partner’s good points and ignoring their faults. That’s why often our family and friends are better at predicting how things will go than we are.

If you're :
- feeling you don't have enough personal freedom
- noting that most of your interactions are negative ( John Gottman, the renowned couples researcher, is famously able to predict divorce with 90 percent accuracy by watching partners communicate with each other - couples should have at least 80 percent positive interactions)
- You wish you were home alone rather than with your partner
Then it might be time to end the relationship.
It's worth looking at each of these aspects in a bit more detail.

Is There a Difference Between Sex and Love-Making?

When it comes to having sex, the intimacy has to do with merging your physical needs and body parts with the other partner whereas love making is more about connecting your minds and souls through the act of sexual intercourse.

Isadora Alman from Psychology Today said, one may decide to engage in this act for different purposes, for example, lust, intimacy, boredom, relief, to exert power, to fulfill expectations, baby making, to express love, take comfort, etc. She further goes on to explain that at its best, this act is considered to be one of sharing and intimacy because there is not a more intimate act than letting another one inside a private body part with the goal to share pleasure.

When two individuals make love, their vulnerability levels are pretty high. This is often a result of sharing emotions and words that they may not have done before. Both persons tend to let their guard down and risk and reward comes into play. During love making, one experiences unique closeness with their partner and finds it difficult to imagine other moments happening without them.

On the other hand, when you are having sex with someone, although the vulnerability still plays a role, it is of a different kind. Namely, one may be afraid of the sexual intercourse not being good or losing the needed chemistry. Also, one may question if his/her sexual needs will be received well or not.

When love is not in the picture but merely getting sexual pleasure, saying goodbye is never a problem and one may be able to move on without necessarily looking for commitment from the other person. However, this is not always the case when you are making love with a person with whom you have found a connection.

Fantasy and Reality

Difference between sexual fantasy and reality

Well for many fantasies are just that and are kept to the individual or partner. Those can sometimes be extreme in nature but that’s where it stops and it never gets to reality. Some partners want to go further and put the fantasy into reality.

Well in this case it requires thinking through especially if it involves third parties or doing things whereby you can get caught. There is nothing wrong with turning a legal fantasy into reality provided everyone is truly consenting and not coerced into it.

Pornography is now almost universally available - on phones, computers and tablets. It's no longer a case of 'top shelf' magazines! Can watching porn spice up a sexual relationship, or is it a sad addiction? Who watches porn anyway? How real is it? Is there a balance between a bit of spice and a compulsion?

Multi-partner, Group, threesomes, orgies, are not for everyone and need to be planned otherwise things could backfire. There are people who enjoy these types of sexual gratification but if a partner is reluctant then they should never be coerced or forced. Sex and sex acts do magical things to our bodies naturally but the brain has to remain in control and make sure the act doesn’t turn into an addiction.

Why not take the sex addiction test in the tabs below and see how you get on?

Do Dating Sites Work?

Browsing profiles isn’t nearly as time-consuming (or daunting) as mixing with people in a social context. Statistics suggest that about 1 in 5 relationships begin online nowadays. It’s estimated that by 2040, 70% of us will have met our significant other online. However, how do people find these sites?

Most men aren’t bothered whether the women are damaged by previous relationships they just want sex.

Most women are fed up of dick pics and men stood in their shorts holding a fish

People lie on their online dating profiles - 44% did admit to lying in their online profile. In both the US and UK samples, dishonesty declined with age.:Some of the sites shroud the person so you cannot view them. How does that work? Also, many accounts are very old.The site owners rarely want to tell you where there is a lack of candidates and use old or frozen profiles of attractive people to contact you.

Gender Explosion

From the 1960s gender differences have begun to emerge but who is driving this change? This is not clear but in the last 2 to 3 years large media corporations seem to be championing the cause. The Royal College of General Practitioners recognises six genders in a recent position statement. These are male, female, gender-neutral, non-binary, gender-fluid and gender-queer. But the BBC are stating in many of their programme that there are 100 to 132.

Although the terms sex and gender are often used interchangeably, they, in fact, have distinct meanings. Sex is a classification based on biological differences—for example, differences between males and females rooted in their anatomy or physiology. By contrast, gender is a classification based on the social construction (and maintenance) of cultural distinctions between males and females. Gender refers to “a social construct regarding culture-bound conventions, roles, and behaviours for, as well as relations between and among, women and men, boys and girls” Krieger.

Sexual Issues and Mental Health

Sexual Issues

In 2018, over 2.63 million individuals went to a sexual health clinic in England..

A third (32%) of UK adults said they had experienced a sexual problem such as loss of desire or problems keeping or maintaining an erection. Women were more likely to say they had experienced a sexual problem than men (37% compared to 26%). RELATE:

1 in 5 (19%) say low libido or differing sex drives is placing a strain on their relationship.

Half (47%) of relationship counsellors and sex therapists have seen a rise in relationship problems linked to pornography in the last year.

Keeping Your Relationship Strong

How can you keep your relationship strong?

Relationships are all about human connection done through love and understanding. But without proper relationship rules, it can turn out to be rather difficult to keep that connection strong…

We believe the first rule to keep a relationship strong is to treat your loved one with respect. You have to respect their time, heart, character and, of course, their trust; you should also expect to receive the same amount of respect back..

Another key rule is communication - this is the key to happiness and a peaceful life. The problem is that not everyone knows how to express how they feel - at least many people don't find it easy. It's important to express the positive stuff - talk about love, express admiration and offer compliments. It's also important to talk about the negative stuff - avoiding discussing arguments won't make the problems go away. See CommunicationDrive for some ideas.

NEVER compare your life to others. It's too easy with social media to get hooked on watching others' perfect lives - you aren't seeing anything underneath the veneer! Focus on keeping your relationship strong and don't worry about anyone else.

Make an effort! If you want your relationship to stay strong it's worth working at.

Do things that make you bond together. Spend time interacting, not just watching TV together. This includes making love! Having great (or even nice) sex is a great habit to get into!

I could do with more money in retirement and I would consider  but I wouldn't consider  equity release

The box below shows some information on equity release.  Hover over it and it will switch to show you some of the pitfalls with equity release.  Click the button on the back to see YouDrive’s view!

Some information on equity release

Unless you have a specific reason for leaving your full inheritance to your family taking some cash out to fulfil those lifetime's ambitions might be just the thing to do. Your children may well benefit more from the money while they're younger.

Some drawbacks

If you don’t need any extra cash and your family don’t need extra support, then there is no point in considering equity release. In any event, it's a one-off decision so you must take advice.
Click here for more information and YouDriveHealth comment

Sex and Sexuality

Crash Course talk about sex and sexuality in a Sociology framework

“Sex is an emotion in motion.”
Mae West
American stage and film actress, playwright, screenwriter, singer, and sex symbol

Next Steps

It doesn’t matter what stage  you’re at – it’s important to be the best you can be.  At the end of the day it’s about taking personal responsibility – You Drive!

It’s really your choice. You can find out more information about the subject, or see other institutions that can help by going to Support. There you will find organisations, training, coaching, self-help courses and other items to support your personal change. We have also started developing a panel of experts to provide info, advice, help and support. 

Get Support

There are times when you need some help to meet your aims. At YouDriveHealth we try to help you to take control of your own health. Sometimes however you need a helping hand. That might be in the form of an organisation that can provide you with some help, it might be getting some specialised information or support, or just getting some background reading material.

We also show you links to other sites offering support in this area and also some products and services which might help you on our Support pages, which you can go to by clicking the Support button here.  

Some products or services contain affiliate links and we may receive a commission for purchases made through these links

Experts

As the next step we are compiling a list of experts who can help you, whether by providing advice, help or specialised services.  In the future you will be able to access these experts from anywhere on our site you see our ‘Experts’ symbol.  If you click the green E you’ll see what our Experts list will look like, with a couple of imaginary ‘experts’ added!

We will be adding to our list of experts continually; we try to recommend things and partners that we have used ourselves, but obviously we can’t take any responsibility for any specific outcomes.  

More Information

Scroll down to see more information on this Drive.  If you register with us by providing an email address you can also download reports, white papers, quizzes and other collaterals.  Don’t worry, we will never ask you for any financial information, and we’ll only send you the information you want.

You can register for our site either above or in the footer below, and there’s more information available and you can comment and participate in discussions too.  We want to encourage our members to provide their own questions and experiences in order to help other members.  We only moderate for spam and inflammatory language – see our moderation policy.

Soon you will be able to register as a YouDriver – you’ll get your own health dashboard, be able to assess your own health, look at how to improve it and build your own action plans.

If you’ve found this interesting, then please share it on social media.  Choose your network!

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More information

Healthline have tips on couples having better sex

The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity

YoungMinds have a good article on gender and mental health

The Mayo Clinic have information on premature ejaculation 

NHS info on premature ejaculation

NHS info on women’s orgasm issues

MBC Psychiatry have an article on gender differences

Entrepreneur offer 14 ways to improve your skills

Healthline have info on sex addiction

Verywellminds have an article on the symptoms of sex addiction

If you’re concerned you may have a sexually transmitted disease, see symptoms (Mayo Clinic)

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Fantasy and Reality

Difference between sexual fantasy and reality

Well for many fantasies are just that and are kept to the individual or partner. Those can sometimes be extreme in nature but that’s where it stops and it never gets to reality. Some partners want to go further and put the fantasy into reality.

Well in this case it requires thinking through especially if it involves third parties or doing things whereby you can get caught. There is nothing wrong with turning a legal fantasy into reality provided everyone is truly consenting and not coerced into it.

Pornography is now almost universally available - on phones, computers and tablets. It's no longer a case of 'top shelf' magazines! Can watching porn spice up a sexual relationship, or is it a sad addiction? Who watches porn anyway? How real is it? Is there a balance between a bit of spice and a compulsion?

Multi-partner, Group, threesomes, orgies, are not for everyone and need to be planned otherwise things could backfire. There are people who enjoy these types of sexual gratification but if a partner is reluctant then they should never be coerced or forced. Sex and sex acts do magical things to our bodies naturally but the brain has to remain in control and make sure the act doesn’t turn into an addiction.

Why not take the sex addiction test in the tabs below and see how you get on?

To close this box and go back click the X at the top or just click outside the box

You need to scroll down to see all the info in this popup – sorry for going on so much!

OCEAN Personality Types

People tend to believe that each individual is different and unique in their own way. While that may be true to an  extent, it’s not entirely accurate.

It’s certainly not helpful when firms are trying to recruit people ‘of a certain type’.

When it comes to personality types, there are tests that categorise people into one of a few groups that describe their characteristics.

The ‘Big Five’ personality traits  characteristics are :

  • Openness
  • Conscientiousness
  • Extraversion
  • Agreeableness
  • Neuroticism

Easily remembered as OCEAN.  You can find out what type of person you are by taking a free test here.  It’s from Truity and doesn’t need an email or login.

To close this box and go back click the X at the top or just click outside the box

Holiday habits

• A third of Britons who go abroad return to the same resort every year
• The average UK holidaymaker has been to the same place four times
• More than one in ten return to the same holiday spot ten or more times – and many even try to book the same hotel room.
• More than a third, 34 per cent, go to the same restaurant they ate at on their last trip, and more than a quarter, 26 per cent, don’t even bother trying to find new drinking locations
• Some 59 per cent of us go on the same holiday in successive years
• McDonalds and KFC are worldwide brands and people in a foreign city can always head to a McDonalds and KFC because you only need to point at the picture and with 3 fingers held up means you want 3 – language barrier overcome. No slight embarrassment not knowing the menu or protocol.
• Many go back because it is the easy option.

No more seasonal fruit and veg - but at what price?

Years ago we had seasonal fruit, but not now. Strawberries were April to August – now it’s January to November under poly-tunnel. How can a plant produce so much fruit??? Artificial feeding. How can they be so big?  Artificial feeding. How can they look so pristine with not a mark on them? Artificial feeding and pesticides to keep the insects off. But because they are grown in artificial circumstances they can attract new types of diseases so chemicals are added to stop those diseases taking off. But, is there an alternative? Yes buy organic fruit and veg – at least there is an element of inspection and testing.

Fresh food could be as bad as processed food

What is becoming scarier than processed food is fresh food. The farmers and scientists and government are now on a mission to feed the increasing population, HOW? Well, producing fresh food that we can grow quicker, faster, bigger, disease free and more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. But all these things come at a price.
The chemicals that farmers and growers put on the land to grow super-fast produce mean that the feed is so powerful it can double the growth and size in half the time. The pesticides they put on the plants kills everything and anything that lives on a plant, just so we don’t have a marked apple on the shelf. We do need chemicals to stop some diseases on fruit and veg but the chemicals on fruit and veg today go much further. This article in the Daily Mail on 1st November 2018 said;

On average, new research has found, a supermarket potato will have been doused with an astonishing 30 active ingredients (an active ingredient is the part of a substance or compound that produces its chemical or biological effect). Compare that to 40 years ago — when a potato would have been treated with just 5.3 active ingredients — and you start to see how mind-bogglingly dependent farming in Britain today is on chemicals.

Meat - is that healthy to eat?

Well years ago it was. When animals could go into the fields and eat grass and get normal supplements to keep them fit and healthy.  But then big business wanted more and started to produce feeds like rocket fuel, the sort of food body builders eat to accelerate muscle and weight. Can you blame them? Not really. If someone says; “Hey, here’s a food that will treble the size of your animal in half the time, which means you get it to market faster and it’s cheaper to feed, so less cost and more profit.”  Who wouldn’t?

But then you look at what they feed the animals and think it just doesn’t pass straight through the animal and out the other side – it is absorbed into the flesh. And then humans eat it. But, what’s the alternative? Locally produced, farm and grass reared, local butcher sold meats. Organic, just to add a bit of assurance nothing has been used on the land.

Out of date bread - where does it go after the supermarket?

Ever wondered where the old out of date bread goes when it comes off the supermarket shelves? Well it goes to a special company and it is all ground together into a giant mincing machine and ground up into crumbs. This includes the coloured branded plastic bag it came in and the tag on the end. As bread is yeast based it requires further chemicals to stop another fermentation process taking place.

It is then sold to farmers for winter feed to cows who eat the crumbs and plastic bag and tag. We then milk the cow or eat the beef. Just to remind you cows stomachs may be big but they are not designed to eat colour printed plastic. Yet again another Food Standards Agency and Agricultural Agency getting together to provide winter feed at a cheap cost with no regard for the cow or the consumer. But what’s the alternative – organic milk. Aldi, Co-op and Sainsbury sell organic milk very competitively.

Farmed fish / shellfish - is it good for us?

So what do we know, well firstly fish living together in huge pens in huge quantities attract disease. They also, in the case of salmon, lose their colour, so scientists created a food that has colour built in and contains chemicals that kill the fish lice and then we eat it. Take a look on YouTube at the investigations and make your own mind up.

The biggest fish farms in the world are now in the Baltic Sea. They farm pollock, haddock and cod and we also know the Baltic Sea is one of the most polluted seas on the globe. But, what is the alternative – fish caught in the open ocean.

Shellfish is a popular product in the UK but most prawns come from Thailand, Vietnam and South America. All are farmed. But, what’s the alternative – organic and ocean caught never farmed.

This recent documentary opens your eyes to fish farming and the issues they have  – click here.  

When is the best time to eat?

It’s not just eating the right food or drinking the right amount of water – it’s about when we do this. In the UK we eat as fuel and don’t eat for pleasure. We often push food down our throats as fast as we can – often late in the evening just before we go to bed!!  There is an old saying breakfast like a king, lunch like a queen, dinner like a prince and supper like a pauper. Eating during the day gives our bodies the chance to work off the fuel we have put into our bodies. Many people have such busy days they don’t get time to eat during the day. If you’re that busy your body needs fuel so snack every hour or two if you cannot give up the time at lunch to eat. Little and often is recommended rather than a big meal at the end of the day.

We are creating a new type of member – the YouDriver.

YouDrivers will be able to build their own health dashboard – they will take health questionnaires to see how healthy they are, they will look at all aspects of their health and understand exactly what matters to them.

They will go on a journey to decide which health areas they want to work on, how they want to tackle these and then they will be able to build their own action plans. 

We’re also inviting more people to get involved – whether by contributing their own views or by offering support to our site visitors.

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